Reader’s QuestionWanting to try unschooling, scared
This is a letter from a reader, who is new to unschooling, who would like to have seasoned unschooler share their thoughts and views.
Hi there,
My husband and I have just discovered the world of unschooling and are really attracted to it (it just makes so much sense to us!) but we are just beginning to do more research to see if it’s right for our family. We already have our children enrolled in a private Christian school this year, so this gives us time to think and learn before diving in.
I’m very excited about the options for adventure and learning and sharing that seem to always come with unschooling, but I have been trying to “unschool” this summer just to see how my children would respond. Would they thrive? Would they falter with a lack of structure? Would they learn anything? So far, we’re watching lots of t.v.s, videos, and tons of bickering.
I know everyone says you can’t push the learning and it will just happen naturally but my kids just don’t seem to be interested in ANYTHING! I try to take them on nature walks, to the library, on interesting outings (e.g. Eric Carle Museum of Picture Book Art) and they just act Bored, Bored, Bored. I’m trying to support their interest in Star Wars and Legos, and maybe they’re learning from that, I don’t know, but they don’t want to build Cityscapes out of legos and they don’t want to make graham cracker tie fighters. I’m worried that I’m not an interesting or knowledge-seeking enough of a parent to know what to do if they’re not being guided in school.
My husband and I really want to do some traveling with them across the US, and I would like for that to be educational and fun, but if all they want to do is stay inside and watch Spongebob, how can I compete?
Wanting to try unschooling but scared I am not equipped.
Any thoughts?
Thanks,
L
Kids who have been in school often need some time to adjust from the more passive style of learning that happens in school to the active, self-directed style of “unschooling.” In other words, both you and they need to be kind to yourselves as you deschool. There are quite a few articles at http://www.LifeLearningMagazine.com that should help.
remember that you have been traveling down a particular road for a long while and you can’t just stop, open the doors, step out, and be on a different road traveling in an entirely different direction.
accept that getting from this path onto a new one is going to be a journey .. hopefully a pleasant one. take it easy; just start walking. you’ll get there.
you are thinking along the right lines with providing interesting outings and experiences. don’t forget to take a hard look at your home as well. when you learn at home, that’s where you spend the majority of your time, and your environment shapes how you spend your days and how you interact.
if the t.v. is the heart and hearth of your home, don’t be surprised when the children gather around it. think about changing your space to reflect your values. you might add an art studio, create a gathering spot for working and talking, make the kitchen friendlier for shared cooking and visiting, plant a garden, create big open spaces for your children to play and build, make a wood shop or science lab .. you get the idea.
start living your life the way you would like to see your children live theirs — full of interests, busy doing and making, learning and sharing new things, engaged and passionate. start talking about and defining your family culture and values. this is what we believe; this is what we think is important.
give your children time and space to get to know themselves, so they can figure out what interests them. let them feel the full luxury of free time and an unconstrained schedule, so they can approach an interest without fear of it being taken away from them and made “educational”. (it’s hard to accomplish this in a summer, i think.)
trying to do a little bit of unschooling is like trying to do a little bit of skydiving. there are really just two settings — still in the plane or flying through the air. when you’re ready, just jump! :^)
What a very kindly stated and detailed reply to the question. Thank you. I have a similar concern about unschooling and I know it is just a matter of trusting that the unfolding will happen. Thanks again!
I was recently introduced to the term “strewing”. It’s when you set out objects in order to engage your children. This works well if you do it when they’re asleep, so they wake to a table of new, themed toys or a pile of big empty boxes in the living room or kitchen utensils in a basket near the bathtub. Try “strewing” some things to encourage your children to learn how to play.
It takes a while to learn how to play and learn naturally if you’re used to being spoon-fed entertainment and education. Give yourselves time, and get out of the house and explore the great outdoors!
I “strew” – I didn’t even know there was a term for it. It just kind of naturally happened when I have books/activities that I think my children (5 and 3) will enjoy. It’s often what she ‘does’ throughout the day – but sometimes, it’s just ignored – oh,well.
If you’re researching unschooling, keep your eyes open for the word “deschooling” – that’s the transitional period between school/homeschool and unschooling when kids are spending time discovering what it means to self-motivate. At first it can mean doing very little – fallow periods are necessary for learning, so if your kids have had lots of activity in their educational lives, they’ll need time to explore this aspect of growth – and so will you! Spend this time doing some “deschooling” of your own, snuggle with them and focus on enjoying their company more than fussing over “education”. Learning is still happening! Its just less easily definable learning than essays and story-problems.
Bickering can be a result of kids not getting enough attention from parents and/or a result of not learning very good social skills in school. Schools teach a very very narrow subset of social skills, one that doesn’t help kids very much with real life problems. Right now, they may need a good bit of help and company in order to get along.
Probably the most important thing you can do, whether you choose to unschool or not, is look for more ways to be engaged and available to your kids. Listen to them. Be fascinated by them. Share in their interests – yes, even Spongebob! watch a few shows without criticizing and enjoy your kids’ happiness.
I love all the comments here!
I completely agree that some deschooling needs to happen. And unfortunately deschooling can’t happen while they are in (or preparing to go back to) school.
I’m not sure of your kids ages, but my suggestion would be to really get on board with what they are doing. Make popcorn or snack platters, setup a movie viewing area and really get into watching Spongebob with them. Embrace what they love *whole-heartedly* and engage in their activities with them. You’ll be amazed at how it expands your relationship and your lives.
Hello,
I am so glad to have found this site. I home schooled two yrs ago. I returned my children to the public school system to only reconfirm that it is not what is best for my children. When I home schooled we “did school at home”. I love the concept on unschooling and it fits pretty much who I was before educated as a “teacher”. My question is…How can I unschool knowing that one child is dyslexic and the other two could be as well?
Thanks you for your advice.
My kids are small, but since no one seems to be answering this, I’ll tell you what I’ve heard…unschooling can work for kids with many types of learning differences. In an environment with less pressure, you may be surprised at how easily your kids learn to read in their own time. On the other hand, there’s nothing prohibiting you from using a special curriculum or whatever is done for dyslexics in schools – assuming that this process is led by the kids. So, if one or more of them really expresses a desire to learn and have help figuring it out, you can still choose any method that seems appropriate (together).
I agree with Lauren about ‘strewing’- having interesting material/ toys out on the coffee/ kitchen table— perhaps musical instruments (cheap 2nd hand ones are great) , drawing pads and paper, an abundance of books and magazines around. Now that they’re older it also means interesting software. And most importantly, they see us using this stuff. And I know a lot of unschoolers don’t do it this way, but we do set limits on screen time, especially when our kids were younger.
We also have always had daily walk- usually right after breakfast- this gets them engaged and starts a conversation about ‘what they feel like doing today’. My kids do get bored from time to time- in our case, often boredom can lead to depression. So, we need to keep an eye on that. Making sure they’re engaged in something that they enjoy is my job.